My son, Joseph Malik Fannell, 22, was killed by a driver who ran a red light. This blog was created to chronicle the emotions and stages of my grief following his death.
Grief is a state of being. It never ends. We never get over it or through it. We just find ways to endure.
"If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, He will help you catch your breathe." Psalm 34:18
In the shadow of your grief, remember to breathe.
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
It’s the Christmas season and what some would deem as the most wonderful time of the year, myself included. And it certainly is, as this is the time of the year that for those who believe celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ the Messiah. Yeah, some say the day is pagan, and He wasn’t born December 25th. And for whatever other reason, refuse to celebrate the Christ in Christmas. But the fact, rather Truth, remains. Jesus Christ was born a babe in a manger, He died and He rose again, all so we can have eternal life in heaven. So it really doesn’t matter what day, or date it’s celebrated… it’s cause enough to rejoice and celebrate. So say what you must, but as for me and my house, we believe and know Jesus IS the reason for the season.
Okay, so now since the disclaimer has been made, let me get back to my point. Words to the songs of this season tend to jump out at me, still. Each year some taking on a different meaning. I recently spoke to my church about one song in particular, “One Little Christmas Tree" by Stevie Wonder. Spoke volumes to me, which I will share another time as led. Anyway, it’s Christmas, the season of miracles, the season of the birth of Jesus, and there’s a song that I’ve always loved and may have even spoke about before. But right now, it has taken me in a totally other direction. The name of the song is “Who Would Imagine A King?” sung by the legendary Whitney Houston.
It’s been 2 ½ years since we lost Joseph. Our one and only son whose life was stripped away when a driver decided to run a red light. Side note: It still bothers me to hear of people driving reckless and even the more so when I see pics that others have posted while they are in their cars. And what bothers me most of all streaming live on Facebook, while doing it. Its careless, reckless, and inconsiderate for those like me who lost loved ones in an auto incident and of all the other drivers on the road. Please know that if you do this, “ You are and what you have to say, is NOT that important.”
This is our 3rd Christmas without our beloved Joseph. He was 22 and just discovering who he was. Finally gaining confidence in what he had to offer this world and thriving in his ability to deliver spoken word poetry. Joseph loved to perform. Although he worked with his dad for a living and loved “working among lawyers" it was behind the mic, he became alive. I miss my Joe dearly and there is never a moment in the day that I do not think of him. Even in the midst of joy, there is never a time I don’t feel the pain of his absence. Truth be told, if I could go back to that day, even to the very beginning, I would do it in a heartbeat
For the last three days, though, I could not shake this song from my spirit. Dreaming of it, hearing it over and over, waking up to it. And as many times as I heard this song, yesterday, which was actually one year to the date that we buried my brother (I don’t know, maybe I was feeling super emotional), but yesterday these words came alive to me…. “of all the wonderful things he could be, who would imagine a King?”
In this song, Whitney Houston, sings from the heart of Mary, Jesus’ mother, expressing all the things that Jesus could have grown up to be. But of all the things she imagined Him to be, He grows up to be a King. Namely the King of kings. But here is the good news, for those that believe in Him, He has made kings as well. For the Scripture says, we are a generation of kings and priests.
But most importantly in all this, is what God spoke to me and has been speaking through this song. gave me in this was this. My Joseph performed a spoken word where he spoke of being a king. He was this, that, fell short in some ways, and in the lessons that he learned, he knew he was “walking like a King.” And so I was led to write this, and to make this video in honor of Joseph, walking like a King in heaven. So grateful that he realized it before he left this world.
So this is for you Joe, “walking, walking, walking like a king.” King, Indeed.