This Christmas season marks the second year that I am without my Joseph. The second Christmas that my family and I were robbed of the opportunity to celebrate with our loved one. The second Christmas the man who killed my son gets to celebrate with his family, while… well… we don’t. And although the season is barely getting underway, already somehow it has taken a toll on my emotions.
In the whole first year that Joseph was gone, I not once
broke down while I was out. Oh, don’t get me wrong! I’ve
shed a tear or two. Was saddened. Was
shakened. And even felt like screaming. But never have I
gotten to the point where I came to a complete standstill, so totally lost in
my emotions, that I had to flee from my environment. That’s where I
was yesterday. That’s where I was again today. Not a good
place. And one I’d rather not visit.
As I mustered up the strength, again, to gather myself
together, I was mindful of what brought me to where I was…. The season we are
in. The celebrating (or not). The holiday music and
songs. The Christmas trees, lights and the décor. People
coming together (or making plans to do
so). All.of.it. Then I heard a song on the
radio. “This Christmas.” A classic. Only
this one was the version sung by Chris Brown, when he sang it for the so-named
movie. You see, that was Joseph’s favorite Christmas movie of all
time. And unlike probably the rest of the world, the best version of
the song he ever heard. (Still shaking my head about that
one). So when I heard the song immediately I thought of Joseph
and what may have made me smile last year, made me sad this
one. Extremely.
The more time passes, the more it seems to
hurt. (I have to say this again and I can never say this often
enough, TIME DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOUNDS. Only God can do
that). But I yet know that it’s a different kind of wound, a different
kind of hurt. A different kind of pain than that initial
one. Than that one that takes your breath away. If I had
to explain it, it’s more of a learning how to breathe with a new heart kind of
pain. Like you can breathe better, but it pinches when you
inhale. Yeah. That kind of pain. You feel
better, but it yet hurts.
Anyway. Once I gathered my thoughts together I
started reflecting on the time of the year and the season that we’re
in. And God spoke. ‘Tis the season to be
mindful. Even for me, even for us, we need to be mindful of
others.
Christmas, the holiday season, is one of the loneliest times
of the year. It is also a time where people become stressed out,
more so than other times of the year. People are
depressed. And although people tend to believe that suicidal rates
are at an all-time high this time of the year, they are not, but this is the
time of the year that propels them into depression. Then over-time,
thoughts of suicide become more apparent as distractions from the holiday
disappear. Be mindful of people. Those who are alone. Those who have more on their plates than they usually do or
perhaps more than you do. Look out for them in some way or see if you can lend a helping hand, or ear.
This season people are more prone to crime than other times
of the year. Those that don’t have money who would more than likely
steal, steal. Those that you would think would not steal, but want
to “give” to their loved ones, steal to do so or even to make ends meet during
the holidays. Be mindful of them. Maybe you can offer to make a meal or buy a toy for a child.
People tend to socialize and drink more, so there are more
driving accidents. There are more distractions now more than
ever. People are Facebooking live while driving. Side
note: PLEASE… DON’T DO THAT! I take this
very personal. Joseph was killed by a driver who ran a red light! Do not believe for one moment that it
cannot happen to you or you will not be the one who will kill somebody
else. NO-THING is that important that you have to FACEBOOK LIVE
while you are driving.
The holiday season is filled with people who have lost loved
ones (as myself). There are people that have gone through
separation, kids of separation. There are people looking in the face
of eviction or who are already facing homelessness. There are some
who have just suffered major financial stability, lost jobs. And
there are some that have just been diagnosed with health issues and are
battling some real diseases. This very season. Be mindful of
their suffering. Of their sadness. Be a little more kind. Smile a little more. You may never know what that might mean to someone.
In the midst of your celebration, remember that someone else
may not feel like celebrating. Or like me, they may want to celebrate, but as
they try to, it causes them pain. Be mindful of that. In
the midst of your singing, someone else is crying. Be
mindful. In the midst of your decorating, someone is packing up
their belongings to be stored away somewhere until they can find a place to
live. Be mindful of that.
I am certainly not asking for anyone to do anything for me or anyone else for that matter, that the Lord has not moved upon them to do. I sincerely believe
that when the Lord tells us to do something it is not a burden and that no
matter what happens, absolutely nothing and no one, can stop you from doing
it. So please, this is not what this writing is for. I do
believe that God wants us to be mindful of others going forth. Especially
now. Especially in this season. Christmas is a time of
giving. It is a time to show forth love. Sacrificial
love. Isn’t that what Christ did for
us?
Lastly, I was reminded of a word that my hubby shared in
2008, “A Tale of Two Seasons.” (You can find it on my YouTube
channel at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex-1-o0KScc or below). God
is amazing, because as I got this written word in my spirit, this sermon popped
up on my timeline. I encourage you to watch it, because in it,
Pastor Jeff speaks about how God tells the story of Christmas and how it is two
seasons. One where people are happy, and another where people are
not so happy. There are people who were angry, like Herod (who
wanted to kill Jesus) and there were people who were grieving (all the mothers
of the babies who were killed by Herod, and some others). And then
he goes on to say how God wants us to be aware of it. For a
reason.
Jesus is that reason. ‘Tis the season… to be mindful.
Still serving, in the shadow of my grief,
Sis. E and Joseph’s mom
Copyright ©2016 EvelynFannell
