My son, Joseph Malik Fannell, 22, was killed by a driver who ran a red light. This blog was created to chronicle the emotions and stages of my grief following his death.
Grief is a state of being. It never ends. We never get over it or through it. We just find ways to endure.
"If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, He will help you catch your breathe." Psalm 34:18
In the shadow of your grief, remember to breathe.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
I had another dream about you last night
I actually had two.
Just like the others, this one seemed so real.
I touched you.
I was actually able to lay my hand on your skin
And feel your smile.
I saw it too.
It was so big and so pure.
Your smile really did light up the room you know.
And this one,
This one was glowing,
So much so that it illuminated the dark areas of my heart,
Of my life…
Even if it was only just a dream.
When you opened that door
I watched you as you walked in
Such a confidence in your walk,
It wasn’t how it used to be.
No, you were standing up straight.
Proud of who you were
Proud of who you had become
There was a quiet confidence in your stride
As you made your way towards me
I said, Wow. Look at my Joe.
Then you spoke.
There was a boldness in your tongue
That I only heard when you were performing
Yeah, I thought, this is a different Joe.
This time you COMMANDED attention
Which I was so ready to give you.
Even if it was just a dream
Your face was so clean.
It did not have the marks or the blemishes
That you so often worried about.
A bit too much, I told you.
“How could I get rid of this mom?”
You would ask.
A question many a young person had asked of their own moms,
It’s gone now, Joe.
Except for the one scar that reminded me of how and when you left
Then you touched me back.
You extended your hand towards me
As if you were trying to reach my heart,
But you were already there.
And for a moment everything felt alright.
Because you were alive.
But it was just a dream.
To learn about my Joe, visit